A Divine Blessing

I realised the obvious - it is beyond any reason.

Beyond any logical explanation or ananalytical description ... it is beyond words.

One has to feel it to realise it.

You cannot capture the warmth of your mother's lap,The contentment of selfless actions,Or the virginity of a blooming bud.They are everlasting experiences leaving noimprints if not experienced with mindful consciousness.

Love is relentless ... It takes more than a lifetime to absorb it
And less than a moment to radiate it ..

How do I know ? ... Because I can feel it.

-the girl.

Misery of the Mind

A timeless gaze,

An eternity of darkness,

Moans of pain and anguish,

Sleepless nights of torment.

What if you realise the loss of your cause?

Your very proof of existence ?

All that is left is a long wait ......

Each moment preparing you for the end - uncertain

of which moment it will be.

Suddenly ...

Each breath becomes precious,

Each smile is filled with tears,

Palms join to pray,

Arms open to embrace,

Every experience is an engraved memory.

Ego crumbles to humility

And worship becomes religion.

Strings of hope grasp 'his' hand ..

Yearning for nothing but a miracle.

The heart weeps only for more time

...... one more moment

...... one more breath

...... one more touch.

Is this what fear of death can do ?

Or is this what we let it do ?

-the girl.

White Board

Siddarth loosened his seatbelt and looked out of the window. New Jersey was fading behind him. It was 6 years since he had landed there with a hope to get higher education, a decent job, and the determination never to get back to home country. It had taken him 6 years to dissolve his pride and go back home, to where he belonged, to where nobody would be waiting; at least that is what he had thought all those years. He put on his headphones and switched on the in-flight entertainment system. The stewardess pulled over a trolley of food and drinks.

“Anything to drink or eat sir?” she asked.

“Just coffee” he said and continued to scan through the movie list.

The stewardess placed the coffee on the tray and moved ahead. The movie list wasn’t impressive. He decided to listen to music and finally compiled a favorite collection. He sank in and closed his eyes forgetting the steamy coffee before him. It was on that coffee table that his parents had broken the news to him. 6 years ago, on a rainy evening, at the coffee table. His mind whirled back in time.
“Can you pass on those cookies?” Siddarth asked.

His mom pushed the tray towards him. As Siddarth stretched to pull the tray to his side, he looked at his mom whose eyes were welling up. He looked at his dad as his grip on the tray loosened and he sat back on his chair. His dad was running his finger over the rim of the coffee cup. He seemed to be in a contemplative mood.

“What happened mama?” Siddarth asked as he placed back the cookie on the tray and dusted off his hands.

She did not respond. Siddarth looked at his dad hoping he would come to his rescue to understand the drama that was about to be enacted.

There was silence for a while. Siddarth took a cookie from the tray and began to eat it as he took frequent sips of the coffee. Once the coffee cup was empty and his stomach was full, he got up to leave.

“Siddarth” his dad finally spoke. Maybe they had waited for him to relish the coffee in peace, one last time in that house.

“Yes papa. Please tell me what is happening,” Siddarth sat on the chair again.

His mom pulled her chair close to Siddarth and placed her hand over his hair. Siddarth squirmed and moved away from her touch. It had been few years since she showed such love by touching him and ruffling his hair.

His dad did not move from his place and did not look at Siddarth’s eyes that were to be hurt.

“We need to tell you something. Your mama and I have decided on something which definitely needs your attention. We definitely want to listen to your opinion as well. I want you to take this slowly so that we all get out of this unhurt” his dad said as he took a sip of the coffee. He needed to gulp down caffeine to spit the venom at ease on Siddarth.

“What is it?” Siddarth was irritated.

“Your mama and I are going to file a divorce” he said not looking at Siddarth.

His mom’s hand gripped his thigh as if to take away the instant shock.

“Sir? Can I remove the coffee cup?” the stewardess asked Siddarth. He jolted out of his sleep. His reality.

“Sure,” he said and handed over the cold coffee back to the stewardess. He removed the headphones and placed it inside the pouch before him. He looked out again and saw the dark horizon. He closed his eyes again, forcing himself to think of that rainy evening.

Siddarth looked at his dad who wouldn’t look at him in his eyes. He waited for a few moments and then looked at his mom whose eyes were a pool of tears. Siddarth couldn’t understand what was happening. He kept looking at his parents. His mom was over-reacting and his dad wasn’t reacting at all. Siddarth looked down at the coffee table, at his own reflection. He tried hard to understand the situation. A million things burst out of his mind. He was angry. Helpless. Lost. Hurt. Deceived. Confused. A million emotions surfaced that moment and he had difficulty in expressing even one of them. He clasped his hands that were beginning to shiver. His dad knew Siddarth was beginning to react to the situation. Siddarth quickly stood up, as if to draw back from a war violently. His chair fell back on him and he kicked it aside. He ran up the stairs, rushed into his room and slammed the door behind. That was all he could muster to do. His parents sat there looking at the closed door. It was as if he had closed his life on them. Forever.

“Give him some time. We will talk to him after dinner” his dad said and walked outside the house for a walk in the lawn.

His mom sat there looking at the empty coffee cups. Her cup was still on the table full of coffee. Cold, with a thin skim that Siddarth had always hated. She pulled all the cups together thinking about her family that was already in splits. She cleaned the cookie crumbles on the table, while her son was crumbling within in his room.

Siddarth stood at the window, holding the bars and staring into the cold evening. The rains had stopped, not wanting to add gloom to his already bemused life. He saw his dad walk into the lawns. His dad stood beside the garden chair and looked up at Siddarth’s window. Their eyes met finally. His dad’s eyes conveyed that there was a lot of talking to be done. Siddarth drew the curtains together disapproving it. He fell back on his bed and looked at their family picture beside his bed. He wanted to quickly grab it and throw it outside the window so that it lands at his dad’s feet. Instead he pulled it close and tried to recollect the moment that picture was clicked. His eyes finally gave up on him. He broke down like a child. He wanted someone beside him to comfort him. All he had was the photo. His real comforts in life were already transforming into memories.

Four hours later. Siddarth did not come out of his room to the dinner table while his parents were waiting for him in silence. His dad knocked at his door but there wasn’t any response from inside.

“Siddarth, please come out. Please talk to us. We can sort this out,” his dad said.

Siddarth opened the door and walked down to the dining table. He did not acknowledge his parent’s presence. He served himself with some generous quantity of food and took it to his room and locked the doors. Few minutes later he walked down with the empty plate. Later he pulled out the ice cream tub from the freezer, dug out 3 scoops of his favorite butterscotch ice cream and sank into the couch. He switched on the television.His dad sat beside him glaring at the television which was staring back at him.

“How long can we go on like this?” his dad began the conversation that was to decide their fates that night.

“How long? How long were you contemplating a divorce? Ever since I was born?” Siddarth asked in a tone that was spitting anger.

“Things weren’t going too well between me and your mama. We pulled it along. She wants to walk out of my life”

“And you made that decision for me” his mom rose her defensive voice.

“Not that you wanted to stay with me. With us forever. You wanted to go with your life with Varun”

“Varun? What?” Siddarth was at loss of words.

There was silence. Everything fell into place.

“I’m 21. My parents decide to split when am 21. My mama wants to go away with a man she had been seeing during her college days. My dad wants to send her away from his life. My parents want a divorce. DIVORCE.” Siddarth was trembling.

His dad placed his arm around him as if to comfort a friend in distress. Siddarth moved away. He wanted his space to handle the situation by himself.

“Why at 21? Why not when I was a kid? I would have grown up to forget about your divorce. I would have grown up to be someone else. I would have just had mama or papa or new mama or papa” Siddarth broke down. The ice cream bowl fell from his hand.

“Something to drink sir?” the stewardess asked Siddarth. He was hungry. He had hated Butterscotch ever since that night.

“Yes, I’m terribly hungry” he said. The stewardess pulled out a tray of assorted eatables and gave it to him with a wide smile.

“Thank you. And some coffee. Very very strong” he returned her smile.

“Now what do you want me to do?” Siddarth asked wiping his tears.

There was silence.

“Go away from this place? Tell my friends that my parents are happily divorced. Tell the world that I love my life”

“Please stay calm Siddarth” his mom said. He did not want to look at her.

“We are filing our papers tomorrow. Everything should be over in a couple of weeks” his dad confirmed.

“What happens to me in a couple of weeks? Am I still your son? Or is there any law that lets you disown me as well?”

“You are 21. You can decide to stay with me or mama, or both. It is your life and you are always our son. My son” his dad said.

“How much time do I have?” Siddarth asked.

“You can let us know before we file our papers. We need to make your statement clear while filing our papers” his dad said.

“That gives me less than 12 hours. Thanks” Siddarth said and picked the ice cream bowl from the floor.

He walked to the kitchen and placed the bowl in the sink.

“Come with me Siddarth. I know I’ve made this decision for me. For us. Your dad never let me be in peace. He always talked about Varun. Every night I went to sleep crying, thinking of a life that never was. I’ve had enough and I reached my threshold” his mom said from behind. She was putting the utensils in place.

“I don’t care about your blame game. I’m not the judge to tell you if you are at fault or if dad did something wrong. You both have already decided to move on with different lives. You both have left me in a fork road. I was dreaming of a career. Now you have let me dream of a new life” Siddarth said in a voice pregnant with anguish.

“Mama will take care of you dear” she began to cry.

“Stop crying mama. It is not going to help anyone. At least tonight go to sleep with no tears. You are almost free to go with your life”

Siddarth walked into his room, locked it behind, and fell on his bed. He did not switch on the lights or the fan. He slept beside the open window. He was trembling again. He felt drained. He wanted to cry but couldn’t. He wanted to sleep, he tried. Finally, he fell asleep at 5 in the morning. He had made his decision about his life.

He woke up late in the morning with a smile. He then realized the reality and his face shrunk. The smile flew away through the open window. An hour later, he walked down after his shower. His parents were waiting for him. They had already dressed to go to the court. Siddarth had his breakfast alone. He should be getting used to that. Few minutes later they were in the car. No one had spoken a word. His parents were waiting to hear his decision. Siddarth was not ready to start the conversation.

“I’ve made my decision” Siddarth finally broke the awkward silence.

His parents were eager but they remained silent waiting for him to utter the words that will change their lives.

“I’ve decided to be with papa” Siddath said.

His mama turned away and looked out of the window. His dad looked at her through the rear view mirror with a jubilant smile.

“There isn’t much reason to be happy papa. I chose to stay with you, just because of financial needs. I still have a bit of time to settle down with a career. Until then I definitely need your financial assistance. That is the only reason I chose to live with you”

The smile on his dad’s face was lost, forever.

His mom looked at him in the same rear view mirror. His eyes were hurt and she had never wanted to see that.

“Once I’m ready to carry on my life by myself, I will go away, with my life. Until then I want…. your money” Siddarth spoke and daggers flew out of his mouth, hitting his dad one after the other.

There was continued silence from his parents.

“Is that fine with you papa?” he asked looking at his dad.

His dad nodded his head in approval.

“Anything son. I will be beside you”

“Thank you”, Siddarth said. Those were the last words that he had mentioned to his dad in those 6 years.

“Thank you” he said as the stewardess took away his plate and coffee cup.

Siddarth wanted to stretch a bit and he walked down the aisle. There was none that he knew on the flight, which was unusually less booked that day. He picked a magazine on the way back to his place. He sank into his seat and opened the magazine. He spotted an advertisement on desktop PCs and beside the picture of a desktop was a white board. It conveyed something like white boards replaced with PCs at that educational institution. Siddarth was reminded of the white board at his house. The board that he had placed at the dining room.

“Siddarth! Siddarth!” his dad called out to him.

Siddarth walked down and looked at his dad.

“What is this white board doing in the dining room?”

Siddarth had not spoken to his dad ever since that drive to the court a week ago. His mom had left the house the very next day. Siddarth walked to the white board, picked the black marker and wrote, “I don’t see a difference between this board and you. I prefer communicating to the board”. He placed the marker beside the board and walked back to his room. From that day, the white board became the medium between his dad and him to communicate. He would write something and his dad would reply beside that. Most of the times, it was his dad who wrote expecting Siddarth to speak to him soon.

One month later, when Siddarth’s dad walked into the house after an office party, he saw the white board.

“I’ve got my admission at the Princeton University and I want to go in a week. I’ve managed to get a scholarship, but I need more money. Will repay when I can”

“Siddarth! Come here!” his dad screamed. Siddarth walked down to the dining room.

“What is this?” his dad screamed. Siddarth felt the stench of liquor in the room and decided to get back to his room, not wanting to have an argument that will not take him anywhere.

“You are not going anywhere. You are going to be with me always” his dad said and rubbed the white board. On second thoughts he pushed the board down.

Siddarth silently walked up the stairs and locked his room leaving behind his dad who was screaming.

Next day, when his dad walked out of his room, he saw the white board in place again. He remembered what had happened the previous night and felt sorry. He read what was written on the board.

“I’m going in a week. It is ok if you don’t give me money, I will have to ask mama”

His dad walked into his room, pulled out a blank cheque and placed it on the table.

He wrote on the board, “Take as much as you want, but please don’t go”

Later that evening, Siddarth had taken the cheque and replied, “Thank you papa, the money means a lot, if not our family. I’ve booked my air tickets for friday night”

“You are leaving me alone. Please don’t go” his dad had replied.

“Sorry papa. Good bye” those were the last words that Siddarth had written on that white board.

His dad left behind many messages on the board, which Siddarth read and never replied. On Friday evening, he saw the message from his dad, one last time.

“Good luck son. I will be at the airport tonight”

Few hours later, Siddarth got off the cab and pulled his bags together at the terminal. He looked around for his dad. He wasn’t there. He did not wait. He checked-in his bags and began to walk towards the security check. Just then he spotted a frantic man running with a placard. He turned around to see his dad with a placard.

“Sorry! Am late from work. Good luck. Love you and will wait for you”

Siddarth’s hand instantly raised to bid adieu, but he forcefully pulled his hand down and walked away, leaving behind a man who was to wait for him, for a very long time. He did not look back until he reached the security check-in gate.

Few minutes later he was waiting at the gate. He was restless and wanted to talk to his dad very badly. He wanted to hug him and feel the security that he had given him all those years. He walked beside the eat outs and looked down. He saw the entrance to the International Terminal with a lot of people waiting to see off their loved ones. He looked around to see if his dad was in the crowd. He looked beyond and then spotted him, with the placard. Siddarth tapped the glass, crying within and calling for his dad. He pulled out his mobile to call his dad, and later realized he had left the SIM card back in his room. He pulled himself out of that spot and walked to the gate that was open.

“…will be landing in about 10 minutes…” Siddarth woke up to listen to the captain. The flight was to land in few minutes. He was going to feel his home country after 6 years, although a short span of time, he felt he had grown far more mature and indifferent to everything around. He had no clue if his papa still lived in that house. He had decided to go there anyways to find out. He wanted to see his room. He wanted to see his papa. He wanted to know about his mama. He wanted to see the white board. He thought it would have been removed. Maybe there was someone else. Maybe his papa had married someone else who would have removed that white board and taken his room as well. Million thoughts escaped out of his mind as the flight landed on the runway with a jolt.Siddarth did not want to get off the flight. As people were spilling out, he sat there trembling.

“Is there a problem, Sir?” the stewardess asked. He looked around and realized that everybody had left the aircraft.

“No” he said, grabbed his bag and stepped out. The passenger buses had left and he stood at the tarmac with security personnel, waiting for the next bus to take him. The smell of his city, that evening, brought back pungent nostalgia of the night he had taken off from the same terminal. The night when he wanted to talk to his papa, but never managed to.

As he sat inside the bus, he kept looking at the huge aircraft that was fading before him. He wanted to quickly jump out of the bus, rush into the aircraft, and fasten his seatbelts, so that he can go back to New Jersey and live there forever.

A couple of hours later, he was in a cab, on his way to his papa’s house. His heart was racing. “What if there was someone else in that house? What if his dad was living with someone else? What if there was no one in that house?

Where will I find papa? What if the white board is still there? What if I don’t go to that house at all?” his mind was searching for answers to all those questions.

He reached the house in an hour. He got off the cab and pulled out his bags. He stood outside the huge locked doors. He looked intently at the house, which had faded over the years. It had lost its sheen, but something about it was still fresh. Siddarth then realized it was the memories that seemed to be floating around.

He looked at his room’s window, which were closed. The curtains were now darker. Someone had changed it. His heart was beating faster. He was hesitant to walk closer to the closed door. As he walked further, the security guy walked out and stood there motionless.

“Siddarth!” he exclaimed. It was the same security guy in all those 6 years. At least he hadn’t changed. Siddarth walked in, leaving the bags behind for the security guy to bring. He did not dare to ask him any questions – if papa was home, or if this house was someone else’s. He wanted to find all the answers himself. He looked around at the lawn and realized that it was well maintained.

Someone lives in this house that takes care of it, he thought.

He stood outside the closed wooden door. He was unsure what to do, how to handle the situation. He turned around and saw the security guy pull his bags. He wanted to run out of the house and never return again. He looked back, mustered courage, and pressed the doorbell. Nobody opened the door. His heart was sinking. He turned back to look at the security guy, hoping he would help him with the answers. Instead, the security guy flashed a vibrant smile.

Someone opened the door and Siddarth turned back at the door quickly.

An old woman stood there with a perplexed look. Siddarth returned the same look. The old woman saw the security guy with the bags.

“Do you want to see someone?” she asked.

Siddarth remained silent and his eyes ran inside the house while his feet stood at the door.

“Siddarth!” someone screamed from inside and ran out.

Siddarth was surprised to see his mama. She had dropped the bowl of flour on the floor and ran outside the house frantically. Her hands were trembling and she hugged him with tears brimming in her eyes. She kissed him all over.

Siddarth did not respond to any of her gestures. He stood there motionless, still searching for something. Someone. His questions weren’t answered yet. More questions thronged his mind like vermin.

Just then his dad ran out hearing his mama’s hues and cries of joy. He froze at the door. Siddarth wanted to run to him and hug him. Instead he stood there closing all those questions on his mind. He wanted to bury all those questions and worries in a coffin, lock them up, and throw the key into the Indian Ocean.

His dad did not move. They kept looking at each other.

“Your mama came back to this house. For you and me” his dad uttered.

Siddarth did not look at his mama.

“She never wanted to go with Varun. I realized my mistake” his dad continued.

“And I realized mine too. I shouldn’t have walked out of this house and family” his mom assured.

Siddarth couldn’t believe what was happening at the doorstep.

“We tried all ways possible to trace you. We did find you through your college. We just gave you your time” his dad said.

“And you have taken 6 years. We were waiting” his mom said as she rubbed his arms.

Siddarth’s eyes welled up. He ran and buried himself in his dad’s bosom. He did not want to get away from that hug, from that house. His mom moved close to them. Siddarth hugged her and broke down like a little kid who had come back from the hostel for summer vacations.

Siddarth walked into the dining room and looked at the white board, which stood there like a monument. It was clean. He turned around and looked at his dad.

“I didn’t know if you would need it or not when you come back. We just left it there. Whenever we wanted to talk to you, we would write some random notes on it. Sometimes we would laugh at it too” his dad said and smiled.

Siddarth looked at the white board. He took the black marker and wrote, “I’m home for Diwali papa and mama. I just want to spend every diwali with you both, always”

He turned around and said, “Happy Diwali..”

----------------------

-the girl.

happenings..

nothing is happening here.coz things are happening elsewhere.. :)

-the girl.

the search..

Disclaimer:I don't know what mood I was in to write this piece..totally unexpected and a different one..bear with me..

******************************************************************
The vivid eyes, the chromatic purity of those eyelashes, the crystallized lens, the described line of kohl, and the hidden crimson tides behind all these - God seemed to have etched two butterflies instead of her eyes on that picture perfect face. And then when she looked at him, those butterflies transcended into his stomach and grew to be dinosaurs. He loved them in his belly. She loved the way he smiled. It was after all the beginning of a love story.

-----------------------

It was white. Just plain white. The pearly gate they call it. He stood outside looking around the semi-clad angels and demons.

“Why is everything so white and only white? Glad that the people aren’t tainted in white too” Siddarth mumbled.

“Hey you! Step in” a guy at the door said.

Siddarth religiously followed a semi-clad lady who was draped in white. “Phew! Where does she get her style mantra from?” he mumbled again.

“This is where you are going to stay forever” she said and opened a door.

The door flung open to a wide area of greenery. People seemed to simply sit and look around, plucking flowers, eating apples, playing something, talking anything, and walking as if there was no tomorrow.

“Thank you very much” he thanked the lady.

“My pleasure. Enjoy your stay here”

“Yeah right. First class executive suite. How pleased am I? I’m dead and here to spend the rest of my whatever in a place which has so many of my relatives” he sighed.

“You wanted to die early. You decided to take your life” she said.

“So you do know my history”

“Yes. I know each and everyone’s history and future”

“How long have you been living here? When did you die? A thousand years?” he laughed.

She began to walk away from him.

“Can you help me?” he asked.

She stopped but did not look back.

“I came here for a reason. I know I don’t have a way to get back my life. But something that belongs to me is in this place”

She turned around.

“Here?” she asked.

“Yes. Here. I know she is here, somewhere, waiting for me to come”

“Who is she?”

“Mansi. She died a month ago”

“I’m sorry. This place is full of dead people, but a world in itself. I haven’t known anybody who gave up their life to search for the loved and lost one” she said and began to walk.

“Can you help me find her in this world of dead people” he smiled.

“I will try” she kept walking.

He walked behind her.

“What is your name?” he asked.

“I do not have a name” she said.

“Whoa! What do people call you around? You are addressed by numbers or something?” he laughed.

“We don’t need a name. We know when somebody is calling us and when we are supposed to attend to somebody”

“Interesting. So if I feel like seeing you around will you know it?”

“Yes I will, but I won’t be coming to see you”

“Why?”

“I’m not supposed to. I need to attend to calls only from the people who own this place”

“I will give you a name. I will call you ‘Neo’ hereafter”

She smiled in agreement and left.

“Neo, I want to see you now” he thought to himself as he was entering the huge door. She didn’t come.

“Damn” he cursed.

As he walked further into the new beautiful world he recollected what they had instructed at the pearly gates.
“This place is no different from the earth. You do not have technology here. All you have is nature and people. Both heaven and hell has been merged for better management purposes and easy administration.

Hence expect the unexpected any time and all the time”

“Sounds as good as a cinema script” he mumbled.

“You need to be careful with people dressed in black. They are people who belong to hell and most of them are harmful”

“And then we go back to the Black and White TV era” he continued to mumble.

“You are not supposed to fall in love with anybody. And physical intimacy is strictly prohibited”

“Wh.. what? No love. No physical intimacy. And you still call it heaven” sighed Siddarth.

“If you trespass all the rules, you will have to wear the black dress and be our guest” the final verdict alarmed in his ears.

“Give me the black dress now instead of the white. I would prefer to trespass the rules and be your guest” he said as the lady in white walked over to him.

He spotted a few men and women in black. “Most of the good looking people around are in black” he thought.
He sat beneath a tree that had ripened apples dangling all over.

“Where will I find her, in this ocean of dead souls?” he thought.

“She might be behind the woods playing with the other girls of her age” an apple fell on his head.

“Talk of gravity. Now talk of a talking apple”

He took a bite of the red apple.

“Ouch”, he heard.

“Is there any limit to all the insanity around?” he took another bite.

“By the way, how do I get to the woods?” he asked as he took another bite.

“Just keep going straight. You will reach the woods” the apple said and died. He finished his last bite.
He looked up the tree hoping for another apple to fall down. He saw a bunch of apples smiling at him.
“Scary” he said and walked away.

He kept walking straight. “How come I haven’t seen any brook as yet” he thought and from nowhere he walked to a brook. Clear water flowed down the brook. He could see through the water and count the pebbles at the bottom. There were golden fishes playing the love life game. “How come they aren’t in black?” he thought and just then a huge black fish swam across with gaiety and swallowed few golden fishes . “That is much better”. He jumped across the brook.

As he jumped across he saw the reflection of his face. He turned around and sat by the water. He looked at his face. The last he remembered seeing his face was before drinking that bottle of poison.

“I don’t know why I saw my face before taking my life out. I should have haplessly hoped that just by looking at my face for a very long time would do the trick”

His face looked paler. It had drained but there was some kind of brightness around him. It might have been because of the pristine white dress that he was wearing or that was the code of look at heaven.

As he stood up, a fish swam up and put its pouted face out of water and said “You just have 18 hours to find your woman. If you don’t you will never get her”

“Now what is this drama all about?”

“You had 24 hours to accomplish your wants. Already you have wasted 4 hours. People who come here have 24 hours to do what they want and after that they should live by the rules”

“They never told this cue at the pearly gate entrance number 7”

“It is a hidden incentive”

“Thanks for letting me know”

“Good luck to find your woman. She must be excited to see you here”

Siddarth kept walking.

He landed in a rose garden. “It would be cliché to be looking for her at this rose garden” he thought to himself and walked away from the rose garden. And there she was playing with the kids, in that rose garden.
He walked a lonely road. A strong whiff of lavender. He turned around to see a lady in black. She stood by a tree looking at him.

“The bad people are in black. But this woman is too good to be bad” his mind raved.

“Looking for me?” she asked as he neared her.

“Not really. But wouldn’t mind looking for you” he flirted.

She put her arms around him and looked into his eyes.

“You are searching for someone. Although your eyes are fixated on me and my body, beyond those eyes, you are looking for someone else” she said in a chilled voice.

“Everybody seems to know why I’m here” he thought.

“You just missed her”

“Where?”

“At the rose garden”

He moved away from her and turned around to walk back.

“But wait. She has already left that place”

“Where to?”

“Get closer to me and I’ll tell you how to get to her”

He got closer to her and the smell of lavender grew stronger.

She held his hand and placed it over her waist and pulled him closer.

“And then we will kiss, fall in love, and live happily ever after?” he blurted.

“How did your woman ever manage to manage you?” she said still waiting with hungry lips.

He gently took his hand from her waist and turned around.

“I don’t have to kiss you to get to her”

She gave a sly smile.

“I would rather get to her and kiss her” he said and walked away.

Then he came across a bridge. His legs were already pained and he was tired. He had 16 hours left. He needed two things – Mansi and some sleep.

He sat down on the bridge with his legs dangling beneath the bridge and over the stagnant water. There were lotuses, lilies, and frogs.

“Now who is going to talk to me? The frog or the flower?” he asked looking at his own face on the water.
“It is me” his reflection said.

“Uh. How come I forgot you!”

“Why Mansi?” the reflection asked.

“Why not Mansi?”

“Do you think it is all worth it?”

“Every moment, every step is”

“Do you know what happens when your 24 hours of freedom is over?”

“I would lose her forever”

“And do you know why is that?”

Siddarth was silent.

“You will not find her because she would go back to earth as a newborn baby”

“Whoa! Do Indian directors live in closest quarters?”

“Stop kidding. And then one fine day even you will go back to earth as a baby, or a sapling, or an animal or a bird”

“How do you know that she would be a baby and I would be some other ‘thing’?”

“Her destiny is already defined. She is all set to leave, but with a clause of you finding her and retaining her here”

“I thought the earth was the most complicated place to live in. This place seems even more worse. Dramatic and funny”

The reflection disappeared with no traces.

He stood up to walk. On an impulse he plunged into the water.

He drowned. He reached the waterbed. He settled down on a slippery rock. There were no traces of life anywhere.

“Why did I just jump into this damn thing?” he sighed.

“Did you think you could get to see Mansi here?”

He looked around to see a huge… something.

“Er.. What are you?” Siddarth gasped for words.

“I don’t know” it said.

“Are you wearing a black dress or a white one?” Siddarth asked.

“I don’t wear any” it said.

“Good for you. I never read about such creatures under water”

“So you thought only sexy looking mermaids lived under water?”

“Duh! I don’t believe in mermaids” Siddarth said. He felt someone place a quick kiss on his cheek. He turned around to see a gorgeous looking mermaid. He smiled the moment he saw the mermaid and then noticed that it was not a mermaid but a merman! He quickly wiped off his cheeks.

“I’ve never read about mermen”

“You were just kissed by one”

“Thank you very much” he sighed.

“You got 14 hours. At the end of the journey you will meet her by the beach, under the moonlight, just the two of you… but….” the merman said and vanished.

“He came. He kissed. He left” sighed Siddarth.

“Go ahead. Don’t waste time” it said.

“Thank you waterbed creature of the next century”, he said and swam up. As he popped out of the water he saw a different place. He swam to the shore and saw few kids playing around a basket of oranges. Siddarth was hungry. He walked over to the kids and asked for some oranges.

“Sure go ahead. But as we plucked them, the tree said that one of the oranges in this basket is jinxed. If you eat that you will forget the past” one of the kids said.

Siddarth was in a trance. He did not know if he should kill his hunger or go ahead. He knew it would be impossible to continue the search with that stamina. He knelt before the basket of oranges and looked at them. They all looked photocopied, but tempting. He was reminded of the forbidden fruit.
“Satiate your hunger or cease your past or simply walk away” one of the oranges said.

He placed his hand on the talking orange. He grabbed it and began to peel it. Then he grabbed another orange and peeled it. He peeled all the oranges and finally threw one of the orange into the water.
“Go ahead kids. Have your share”, he said and walked away with few oranges for himself.
The orange that drowned into the water had a worm in it.

As he relished the oranges, he walked into a lawn. He knew this was the best place to take a quick nap. He spotted a tree that sprung its branches so wide that even the creature that he met under water could sleep beside him.

He sat down and closed his eyes. He Their moments of being together, the last argument that they had, her tears, his anger, their last words spoken, her last look, her last breath, all those images flashed in and out. He woke up with a shudder. It was already getting dark and he had slept in his past for over a long time.
He jumped and began to run towards the sun that was setting down. He knew the beach was there, they direction where he ran. He knew that Mansi and he were destined to meet that night. He ran until he reached a fast and furious river. There wasn’t any bridge in sight. He was helpless. He looked around for signs of life.
“The trees speak, the apples speak, and every cranky thing in this place speaks, but why are they all silent now?” he was frustrated.

Just then he saw few girls walking at the other side of the river. And then he saw her. She was as gorgeous as ever. That flowing hair. That lustrous eye lashes. That twinkle in her smile.

“Mansi” he screamed.

She did not look back. He picked up a stone and flung it in the air. The stone stood midway and fell right into the river. It simply would not cross the river.

“Destiny is the one that wins all the time” his mind read.

“Just look at me. Please. Just one time” he screamed.

She walked away.

He wanted to plunge into the angry river and swim to her. He ran around looking for something to make him get to her. Nothing helped. She was gone. All the mayhem was over. The river was silent.

He knelt down.

“Neo” he silently said.

“I wasn’t supposed to, but I have come” she said beside him.

He looked at her with those yearning eyes.

“You just have 2 hours” she said.

“I have you too” he said. He gained all the confidence that had just crashed right before him few moments ago.

“You can now swim across this river. Trust me, it is safe” she said.

“Thanks. Will I get to her? Will we be together forever?” he asked her.

“You will get to her”

He understood that she did not answer his second question.

“It is getting late. Go ahead” she said.

He instantly jumped into the river that was warm. He looked back as he swam and saw Neo walking away.

“Oy Neo!” he shouted.

She looked back.

“Just in case Mansi and I don’t get to be together, I will come searching for you, because I know for sure that you are one of those eternal souls in this place! You better be ready to live with me… forever” he said and smiled.

She smiled and walked away.

He swam to the other end. He walked towards the beach. The moon was shining brighter than ever. He knew he was going to meet her beneath that moon.

He reached the beach. The waves were calm and glistened in the moonlight. He looked around. There was no sign of life. He was tired. His eyes were drooping. Every now and then he shuddered to bring him back to consciousness. He had less than an hour.Far away, he saw her stroll the other way. He began to run. He ran for 10 minutes. She was still walking. He was still running and the distance between them grew. He did not give up. He continued to run.

As he ran with so much fervour, he banged with great force on a wall. He was thrown back and he fell on the wet sand. It took a while for him to understand that it was a huge wall that was a capricious mirror which showed Mansi walking the other way and hid Siddarth’s image. He had 20 minutes left. He jumped up again, picked a conch from the shore and flung it on the mirror in anger. The mirror shattered and sent a thundering noise. Mansi looked back. He was there with blisters all over him. She knew it was him and ran towards him. He smiled and crashed beside the friendly waves.

They had 5 minutes. Mansi ran to him. He had already crashed beside the sea. And then, in that last minute, she sat by his side and ruffled his hair. He did not wake up. In a moment she dropped down as translucent pebbles and ran into the sea. And few hours later he blended into the sand.

23 years later...

The vivid eyes, the chromatic purity of those eyelashes, the crystallized lens, the described line of kohl, and the hidden crimson tides behind all these - God seemed to have etched two butterflies instead of her eyes on that picture perfect face. And then when she looked at him, those butterflies transcended into his stomach and grew to be dinosaurs. He loved them in his belly. She loved the way he smiled. It was after all the beginning of a love story.

- the girl.

..

Jaagti aankhon se dekh rahi hoon main sapne,
Na jaane kab se main soyi nahin hoon,
Hansti hoon kyunki main sehti hoon,
Apni baatein main khud se kahti hoon,
Khud se hee ulajh kar rah gayi hoon,
Tadapti hoon kab se main royi nahin hoon,
Raah nahin hai magar main chalti hoon,
Bemanzil ghar se roz nikalti hoon,
Shaayad kabhi khatm hogaa yeh raastaa,
Bhatki hoon kai baar main khoyi nahin hoon,
Lambi hai raat ki sooraj nahin aataa,
Thahri hoon main ki yeh pal hi nahin jata,
Jaagti aankhon se dekh rahi hoon main sapne,
Na jaane kab se main soyi nahin hoon....

-the girl.

spouts..

people. people's attitudes.nasty attitudes. and victims.injustice.ample fumes..

no.dont ask me what this is. and i dont even kno why i am typing here. i was better off writing sumthing in my diary bout this, rather than letting everybody know. apologies for being so vague and abrupt.


-the girl.

a room with no view

She sat by the window looking at the fading city. The bus had just moved out of the city limit and started the journey on the highway. Meera sat there holding her bag close to her. She knew that that sweltering summer day was to be a very important day in her life. She was going to make news. She looked at Ayan who was working on his camera. She looked out again at the fading outskirts. It was going to be a long journey to an unknown place. As the bus pulled out of the city and on to the highway, Meera saw a woman carrying a boy on her hip and walking a girl holding her left hand. Meera asked Ayan to click a picture of that and he instantly did.

“What was it?” he asked once the bus went past the mother and two children leaving smoky dust behind.

“Did you notice the boy comfortably sitting on his mother’s hip and the little girl, who could be his elder sister, walking beside them?”

“Yes, I did, but what is unusual?” he asked and began to review the picture that he had just taken.

“The boy who wasn’t walking was wearing footwear while the little girl was walking barefoot over the rough and hot road” Meera said as she kept looking outside at the mirage.

Ayan was silent.

“Aren’t you excited about this trip and the news we are working on?” Meera asked looking at Ayan who was still busy with his video camera.

“Yes I am” he said and looked at her.

“I’m going to surprise our editor with this documentary and am sure going to be a part of the primetime news slot” Meera exclaimed with million dreams escaping out of her eyes.

“But aren’t you taking a risk? This is your first solo show and then you are heading towards a risky town”

“I have you to protect me and I got my own confidence to deliver the best” Meera assured.

Ayan kissed her on her forehead and closed his eyes for a quick nap. She closed her eyes thinking of her first project.

Meera was fresh out of college and was an intern at that media house. She wanted to start off her career with some dramatic documentary. It took her almost 6 months to gather necessary information of what she wanted to do and meanwhile she befriended the cameraman Ayan.

Ayan worked at his own private office in the city. Meera has befriended him during a party thrown at her media house. Later Meera had insisted that he be a part of her project.

8 hours later the bus pulled into the town which was bustling with activities. It was 3 PM.

Meera and Ayan got down with their bags. Ayan pulled out a paper from his bag and traced the route of their destination. He called for an autorick.

“Paro amma’s house” Ayan told the driver. The driver returned a mischievous smile and asked them to get in. They rode down many dusty lanes and finally reached a huge mansion. It must have been a 60 years old. The house had a huge iron door and huge windows all over which were all shut at that time. They paid the driver and walked to the big gate. They saw a well-built man in his 40s who stood at the gate with a huge stick in his hand. Ayan walked further and spoke to him while Meera waited behind. Her eyes ran all over the compound wall that governed the mansion. “There can’t be an exit to this place”, she thought. As she looked at the mansion, she saw some girls at the terrace doing the daily chores. There was a sense of accomplishment already in her. She was nearing her subject.

Few minutes later, they were at the courtyard waiting for Paro amma. Meera had visualized her as an old woman who would be eating paan and would be rude to them. They heard sounds of trinkets and looked behind to see a young woman walking towards them.

“Paro” she said and sat elegantly beside them. She could have been in her mid twenties.

Meera sat there in silence looking at Paro’s flawless skin and her sense of dressing. She would easily give the fashion designers a sense of guilt for not taking tips from her.

“I have never let anyone come to this place for reasons other than business” Paro said in a curt tone.

“Thank you for letting us in. I’m really excited” Meera found it difficult to convey her happiness.

“We are going to take just 2 hours because we need to take the 8 PM bus back to our city” Ayan confirmed.

“Tonight is going to be busy. We have new clients coming in. I don’t want you to see them. And make sure you do not show the face of our girls in your video” Paro said as she stood up to leave.

“So whom are we going to interview today?” Meera asked.

“Basanti! O Basanti!” Paro called out as she walked in.

“Basanti!” Meera whispered to Ayan. Ayan was getting his camera ready.

A little girl ran towards them. She must have been 10 years old. Meera looked at Ayan in shock.

“Basanti will be here in a minute. Please sit in that room” the little girl said. Meera was relieved.

They walked to the room. The path towards the room was narrow and dingy. They got into the room which was dimly lit. It was bright outside, but the rooms inside the mansion were all dark and dimly lit. The windows were never open. The little room had a bed and a dressing table beside that. There were colorful dresses strewn all over. On the dressing table were unused condom packs.

“Take a video of the room. Pan across and finish it by zooming into the pack of unused condoms” Meera said.

Ayan shot the video in different angles and of different corners of the room. Meera was apprehensive to sit on the bed. She pulled the little chair beside the dressing table and sat on it. She did not like the room. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable. She stared herself at the mirror and looked at Ayan who was looking at her. She then realized that he was looking at her body. She returned a mischievous smile and turned to the door as someone stepped in.

Basanti walked in with a tray of fruits. She placed it on the bed and sat on it with both her legs folded backwards on the right side. She smiled at Meera and Ayan while they looked at Basanti. She looked perfectly fit and her face was spotless. Every feature in her was well measured. Even the red lipstick was even and there were no traces of smudging. The khol that embellished her eyes was clear and illustrative of the beauty that she carried. There was silence for a while. Meera wasn’t sure where to begin and she felt all the questions she had on mind had dissolved in the darkness of the room.

“Can we open this window?” Meera asked and she was surprised at herself for starting a conversation that way.

“Paro amma does not like it. We are not supposed to” Basanti said in her girlish voice.

“How old are you?” Meera asked.

“I don’t remember. I know I was born sometime in March, but don’t know when. Could be 24” Basanti said and looked at Ayan who was shooting all of that.

“Has Paro amma allowed you to take the video?” Basanti asked Ayan.

“Yes, she has. Your face will not be telecast. Be comfortable.” Ayan replied.

“Basanti, I might ask questions that might hurt you, but then I have to do it to make this documentary a bit dramatic”

Basanti laughed at Meera’s statement. “Sure. I will be honest about myself. I make money selling my body. Now you can make money by selling my story” she continued to laugh. Meera felt a tinge. Ayan kept moving from one place to another to take shots from multiple angles.

“How did you get into this house?” Meera asked.

“Long story, but I will try and keep it short or at least interesting” Basanti said and laughed again.

“You have a lovely laughter” Meera said and Ayan instantly zoomed to get a close up view of Basanti and her laughter. At least, they were allowed to show just her laughter if not the full face.

“The first time I was married, I must have been 14. My father sold me to a 30 something man for 6000 rupees. In the name of marriage, I was sold to him. He took me to some town where I ended up doing household chores. He had a wife of his age already and he also had a son. I did all the odd jobs at his place and I was constantly abused. Physically, sexually, and emotionally. I was not allowed to contact my parents. I wanted to talk to my mother very badly. I did not know how. After almost a year later, I mustered the courage and stole some money from that house and ran back to my village just to see my mother. I ran with all my courage. I took a bus. I took a train and finally reached my village to see my house gone. My parents were gone to some other village and nobody had a clue where they had gone. I had no place to go. Nobody would let me inside their house. I walked back to the railway station and slept on the stone bench. I shivered and cried. Then I took a train that stopped midnight in my village. I slept inside an almost empty compartment. After sometime, someone woke me up in the middle of the journey. It was a police man. He asked me where I was heading to and I told him everything. He smiled at me. The next day I was sold off to another man for 10000 rupees. The policeman went home as a happy man. My journey began that midnight train. I was moved from one hand to the other and finally ended up here” she said her story in a tone with no modulations. It was as if she had been telling this story to everyone she had met at that house.

There was brief silence and then Meera continued, “Tell us something about Paro amma. How did she get into this? She also seems to be your age”.

“I can’t tell you much about Paro amma but she has been very kind to us. She feeds us well. She pays our wages well. She keeps us happy as long as we keep our clients happy” Basanti said and picked an apple from the tray. She sliced them elegantly and served it to Meera and Ayan.

“You never wanted to get out of this place?” Meera asked.

“If only I had an option. Where will I go? How do I earn my money? How do I make a living?”

“You have many NGOs who can help you with moving on in life”

“Well, I trusted that policeman that night” Basanti snapped.

“Not all are the same, right? NGOs work for your rehabilitation”

“Any further questions?” Basanti asked and Meera was offended at her rudeness.

“So you don’t want to go out of this place? You must like it in here then?” Meera sniggered.

“I have no complaints. This is my work place and apparently this is my home too”

“Tell me about your clients”

Basanti laughed at Meera’s gullible question.

“How can I disclose my clients’ information?” Basanti continued to laugh.

“You don’t have to tell me who they are. Tell me what kinds of people come to this place”

“From all walks of life. From all strata. Each girl is priced different in this house. Regular clients will have their

personal preference of a girl and will be ready to pay a higher price. We have rich men and the paupers as well”

“Have you ever looked back at the days when you were a little girl back in your village and with your parents?”

“Past hurts. I don’t look back. I live for the moment, if not I’m going to suffer in the future. I need to make money until this beauty wears off”

“What happens after you have been asked to leave?” Meera asked.

“That is why we need to be smart enough to save our money and get a life when we move out of this place”

“What are you looking forward to do when you are out in the real world?”

“I’m sure even the real world is as filthy as this wh0rehouse. I don’t want to think about it now”

There was silence for a while and Ayan placed his camera on the dressing table. He picked a piece of the apple and sat on the bed beside Basanti. Meera ran her eyes over Basanti who was meddling with her bangles.

“So what are you going to do with this video?” Basanti asked as she still kept playing with her bangles.

“I’m new to the industry and I wanted to make waves by creating a news item that will reach the mass quickly and powerfully. And flesh trade is one thing that has been talked about a lot but yet people just pass it off as yet another business” Meera replied.

“Of course it is one of the most profitable businesses in our country I believe. What if one day we go on a strike and stop this trade?” Basanti laughed at her own interrogation.

Meera’s eyes widened.

“Can you do that?” Meera asked with awed eyes.

“I’m sure joking. It is never likely to happen. Some even have kids. They will have to feed them and take care of themselves”

“But imagine, one day this trade is abolished. Child trafficking and sexual abuse becomes a myth. Won’t that be the best thing to happen to everyone?” Meera’s face was gleaming.

Ayan picked his camera again and focused on Meera.

“You have a long way to go in your career. A lot to learn. Every young mind might want to abolish a lot of things. But when they take steps to do that, they realize that reality is far more painful than their own dreams” Basanti said.

“You seem to know the world out there” Meera said.

“I read magazines. I read the newspaper” Basanti said as she looked at a tiny loft where she had piled all her old newspapers and magazines.

“Who is Rahim?” Meera asked. Ayan looked at Meera in surprise.

Basanti was stunned for a moment and then her face morphed to a blushing smile. She ran her fingers over the words ‘Rahim’ on her left hand.

“Who is he?” Meera asked.

“Just someone who used to visit this place quite often. I liked him a lot. He is the only man whom I look into the eyes when I’m with him”

“How often does he come here?”

“Not anymore. The last I heard of him was he was married”

“But you still have his name on your hand” Meera looked apologetically.

“I can’t erase it”, she smiled and said, “I still feel him around. He was my hope that came through the door and fled through the window. Sometimes he wouldn’t have money when he came. I would spend the night with him and pay Paro amma a part of my salary. All I wanted was to be with him, although for few hours every now and then”

“Did you ever tell him about your love for him?” Meera asked.

Basanti smiled as if to mock at her destiny.

“I decided to. I was dressed at my best that night. I waited for him. He did not turn up. I waited for him for days and he never returned. Might sound like yet another sad clichéd story! One day, a young man came here and while we were having the initial conversation before getting into bed, he told me about Rahim. He told me that he was married. He also told me that it was Rahim who suggested his friend to pick me from the lot because I was very good” Basanti said and her voice crackled.

Meera looked into her eyes which were moist.

“I do not know what to say. I’m sorry” Meera said and held Basanti’s hand. Basanti took away her hand immediately.

“Meera, I will be back in a minute” Ayan said and walked out of the room leaving the two ladies behind.

“Are you aware of HIV and STD?” Meera continued asking questions.

“Yes, we are. We have our regular checkups. Some clients insist on not wearing a condom, we simply show them the way. Paro amma is strict on those terms”

“I’m amazed at how professional this trade is”

“Yes it is. You will know about it a lot”

Meera looked at her wrist watch. It was time for her to leave. She looked at the dingy pathway and at the door. Ayan hadn’t returned.

“So, what would you like to wear? The red one or the black?” Basanti asked as she stepped out of the bed and picked the dresses near the bed.

“Well, thanks, I wouldn’t need any. I’m ok with this dress and we are leaving in few minutes” Meera said and stood up.

“Red or the black?” Basanti insisted.

Meera’s eyebrows arched.

“You are not going anywhere. We have special clients coming just for you” Basanti said as she moved closer to Meera.

“Wh.. what?” Meera felt uneasy.

“Relax. You are in a very safe place” Basanti comforted.

“Ayan! Ayan!” Meera called out to him.

“He won’t come. He was the one who sold you off to Paro amma”

Meera heard someone lock the door from outside. She could no more see the dingy pathway.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some facts from the Special Report in ‘The Week’ magazine dated February 25, 2007.

Trafficking lures: Befriending: 16.4%, Promise of job and money: 52.4%, Promise of marriage: 4.5%, Adoption: 0.2%, Blackmail: 2.8%, Use of force: 11.6%, Persuading husband to use force: 0.2% Family tradition: 2.1%

Traffickers: Family members (34.8%), acquaintances (52.5%), strangers (11.1%), and police (0.15%).

Age profile of victims: 13-15 years (1.9%), 16-17 years (2.8%), 18-21 years (14.7%), 22-35 years (68.5%)

Age at first sexual encounter: Less than 16 (45.5%), between 16 and 17 (27.7%), between 18 and 21 (22.9%), Less than 21 (3.8%)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-the girl.

Shopping we will go!

Another cousin story. A different one this time. This one has just started college. Asli college, not the fraud colleges one used to goto in 11th and 12th standard, schoolage would be a better name for which. Where timetables have lectures not periods, where lectures are bunkable, where canteens exist and professors covering the entire syllabus is unheard of. And she wanted to buy t shirts. And she wanted me to come shopping with her. Me. ME. Me. Me. And. I. Agreed.

Some background for those who did not feel the earth move beneath their feet. I DONT shop. I might agree if
- it is for me and
- you hold a gun to my head.
but for someone else, i'd rather sleep. Much rather.

Back to the ishtory. Not only did i agree, i was the guide, the knowledgeable one! I guess all those yearly shopping expeditions with my mom left their mark. I found the place, i took her to shops, i asked them to show us stuff and, this is what i am most proud of, i even told them thanks, but you dont have anything we like. Twice. Or once. This was not just a step forward, this was evolution!

And it was fun too! 3 times out of four, we liked the same stuff. It did not result in a duel unto death because we are both nice people who belong to vastly different size classes. She belongs to the class for which they make clothes, i belong to the class for which they dont. I found her a shirt that says - "If you dont like the way i drive, get off the road".(Her younger cousin tells her that she has a brush with at least one car driver every time she is on the road. And what do she do? Does she lecture the young one on road safety? Does she panic and call the young one's parents? Nooo, she buys the young one a t shirt that says "If you dont like the way i drive, get off the road". And lets the young one ride her bike. Some people, i tell you!)

We came back with stuff that was 17 rupees under budget and met with parental approval. Not bad for a first timer! No, i didnt bargain. That would not be evolution. That would be alien takeover!

-the girl.

What would i be?

I've often wondered what kings and great warriors must be like. Should they be truly passionate to be able to rise above their fears, doubts, sometimes even morals and do what they have to do? Or should they be truly dispassionate to be able to live with their actions, look upon it as simply their duty? It would not do at all, would it, if they crushed an opponent at war and spent the rest of their life feeling sorry for him?

I'd make a lousy warrior. Even assuming i am the bravest of the brave, i simply couldn't be bothered enough to go pick a fight with someone. And even if i did, the first scratch on his skin from my sword and i would have forgotten him and waged a war with myself. Over whether i should finish him off or rush for bandage.

Wonder what i would have done had i been living in the times of Kings. Warrior, no. Farmer no, they have to get up too early. Cook no, i'm bad at that too, plus not much of my efforts would reach the table. Trader no, cant bargain to save my life. Dancer no, singer no. Jester no. Birbal no. Those people who fan the king with peacock feathers no.Wonder if they had career counseling back then.

-the girl.

Frankly Speaking!

Anonymity brings the best and the worst out of people. My fair share of anonymity gave me my days of happiness, but when the tables were turned i've had to run for the covers.

The first time i got a phone connection at home, when i was 8, i was amazed by its capability. Then again, that amazement was short lived, only to be taken over by my, shall i say, quest for pulling off pranks.

The Telephone, the modern day connector, in its various forms, has been a revelation and to many a tool to unleash their creativity.

While my initial foray to pranks on the telephone was a more sober one, with conversations usually like:
Me (ring up a friend's number, with a piece of cloth over the mouth piece): "Hellowwww !"
Friend: "Hello, who is this ?"
Me: "Hello ! Hello ! "
My friend tapping the mouth piece, and shouting even louder
Friend:"HELLLOOO !"
pretending like i cant hear, i too shout back like i had my shorts on fire
Me:"HELLLOOO!!"
Friend:"HELLOOOOOO!!!"

after 2 minutes of shouting "HELLOO" and beating the crap out of each other's ears, my friend hangs up, with the word still ringing like a temple bell!

On one instance, i recorded my voice in a tape-recorder, which had me asking questions at regular intervals apart from recording a "hello". Armed with such a fantastic weapon, I called up my cousin, and switched on the tape.

The tape contained something like "Hello, how are you ?" ...a small pause, to give the caller a chance to answer.... "what did you do today?"....a long pause..."Are you going out anywhere today ?"....another pause..."you know what happened today ?..."...and my long boring story.....in the end "ok, got to go, bye"..

while my cousin sat at home, for 20 long minutes ruining his day, busy answering my questions, and listening to a boring story about how staff at zoos take care of ducks, i was happily playing football outdoor, and enjoying inside out :D.

Well, it was not all rosy and pink all the time, and the telephone has been a headache on a lot of occasions. The coming of a telephone to our house was one of celebration and happiness, more to our neighbours than to us. Being the only house in the street that had a telephone connection at that time, our house had turned into a makeshift telephone booth with neighbours dropping in to call either their "Anna" in kottayam, kerala or a "Paati" in dharampuri, TN.

Since the neighbourhood spoke like a hundred different languages, tamil, malayalam, telugu, and i spoke rookie maathi as my mother-tongue, my young impressionable mind was bombarded with all kinds of languages, making me almost forgot my own language !

One particular lady was the most irritating, one because she spoke in a language i never understood, and the other, and a far more dangerous one being, her screaming and shouting over the phone. She would come in almost every evening whenever her uncle would call up from kerala, asking for "Geeeedhha kupadriya ?" (i later found it was "Can you call Geetha ?") ....while given an opportunity i would just hang up, but under the watchful eye of my mother, i couldnt do that. while my sister would go scurrying out of sight from my mother, just in case she asked them to call "Geeedha!", i would be left shivering holding the handset, with the voice ringing in my head "Geeedha kupadriya !", "Geedha Kupadriya ?", each time increasing in intensity. One glance at me, and i would know that i had no choice but to walk down a mile and call "geedha aundy"...day in and day out, aunty would go on and on, about how her small land in kerala was being manhandled by her uncle who grew pumpkins on them instead of aunty’s preferred coffee beans, pouring over the phone. My only source of entertainment at that time being the "chitrahaar", that aired hindi songs on TV, would get ample servings of malayalam sandwiched between the songs thanks to aunty. As if this was not enough, she would hang up the phone after a 1 hour marathon, and then sit down to tell the whole tale back again to my mother in broken Tamil. since my mother didn't follow malayalam, and the aunty didnt follow kannada, both had settled for tamil as a common language(which neither knew anyways), and i would be stuck in between them trying to decipher hindi songs on TV !, while the scars on my ankles itched on account being beaten to pulp for accidentally speaking in a language other than English, during school hours; Talk about linguistic confluence !

Being relatively new to the telephone, many of us had minimal or no knowldege of telephone etiquette, with "Hello" being the only common link, between any two caller, in most of the cases. Since "Hello" being a English word, it HAD to be indianized, and it gets real funny when you dont get what the other guy’s telling. In many cases, one cant get if it’s a “hello” or just a decorated yawn.

Some of the hello's include, reading phonetically,
"hey lo",
"Haaa low"
or a more romantic one would be "halove"..
some would sound like the person is threatening you with a greeting: "HALLOW"
a more portly man would sound like "HOLLOW" !
one gujarati aunty who would call us, used to sound like she was always in a hurry, with a fast "haLL oh!", stressing really hard on the "L"s..

Atleast better than a few who would call home and directly jump into the topic, without confirming who’s on the other side.
woman: "Hello!"
me: "Hello!"
woman: "may-dum, tommorow is my daughter's marriage, and you are cordially invited.”

Being the kiddo i was, i was pleasantly surprised by someone addressing me as "madam" and inviting me to a ceremony, but wanted to confirm if the invitation was really for me.

me: "aunty, its me, where is the marriage ?
"woman: "ayyo! is it you, give it to your mother!"

RATS !!...i would get shunted out like a bug.

And to this, the wrong numbers to add to the confusion. Our Home phone number unluckily differed only slightly from that of a nearby tile company, and people used to usually interchange the numbers, and we would land up getting a lot of calls asking for either "Glazy Tiles with pink stripes"...or "Sir, when can i come and pay the bills for the tiles ?"..or even worse, some used to shout "May-dum, your tiles have still not yet arrived, why are you so lazy ??? !" ..i did not get how he came to know i was lazy, but he sure had dialed a wrong number !

Once a guy called me when I was in a particularly bad mood due to the "Geedha" effect.
Man: "Saar, venkateshwara elllidare ?"("where is venkateshwara?")
Me(yelling back`):"Tirupathi nall idare hogri next bus nalle, sigthaare"("he is in Tirupathi, catch the next bus immediately, you will meet him")

Here, my exposure to kannada language has only been through the minimal words my mother has spoken to nanny in front of me. So kindly ignore the inaccuracy, if you find any.

Even worse is when that long lost pre-school friend calls up, and pesters you to recognize him/her. In pre-school i hardly knew how to speak, how would i recognize a person voice who's grown into a beast ever since?

My family’s talent for not recognizing people’s voice over the phone only got worse with the wrong number stuff. A few years back, my brother had an offer from Oracle, but rejected it since he was not ready to travel to Hyderabad. However, another cousin bro of ours got wind of this and thought he could play a prank on the Oracle bro. Calling me on his cell, masquerading as an Oracle HR, he started off:
Cousin: “Hello, can I speak to Mr. Harshal?”
Bro: “Hello, yes speaking”
Cousin: “I am Satish from HR, Oracle. I would like to offer you 5 lakhs, instead of the 3.8 lakh we had initially offered, would you like to join us ?”

My brother couldn’t believe his ears’; anyone with ZERO IT experience would jump in for such an offer. He actually did a somersault and then went in for the dive.

Bro: “Yeah, that is a good offer, I would consider it seriously”
Cousin: “Also, we have decided to pay your accommodation charges, car rental and also give you free travel tickets to bangalore”

By now he was doing a reverse bungee, and trying to walk on one hand. He could not believe they were offering all this.

Bro: “Oh that’s a neat offer, I accept it”

A crack, a stifle, and a HUGGGGEEE ROAR….. his ear popped out of his head… my cousin was laughing and rolling, gasping for breath…..after 5 minutes of uncontrollable laugh, he finally told him "its me Adhish!"

Brother was so shocked by the sudden laughter, he could not register that it was our cousin, and was wondering why the HR guy was laughing so loudly. He had at that time thought that he was so happy he had accepted the offer, that he just could not control it over the phone.

Bro: “Sorry I didn’t get why you were laughing ? and you said you were Satish not Adhish!”
Cousin(still gasping) : "I am your cousin, Adhish!"

That sudden realization …

...and then it was too late to reverse what had happened….

The Telephone has, until recently, more or less been a costly instrument to own. However, even costlier are the calls. Back then, it wasn’t very costly, about 1 rupee for 3 minute rounding. People however would go to great lengths to save that amount too. One aunty who would otherwise speak slow when she used to come home, often comfortably spoiling the evening for me, used to speak like a rattle snake running for life when it came to phone conversation.Her calls used to be more like:

Aunty:”JustTellMommyThatWeWontBeGoingToTheTempleTodayAndI’llGetHalsandhiKaal SambarAndChutneyPowderTomorrow”… PHATAKKKK …..she would cut the phone; message delivered in less than 30 seconds….I would just tell my mother that a particular aunty had called and spoke in malayalam :D.

Talking about etiquette, the concept of a voice mail, has been a difficult one to swallow for many in India, including me, with many uncomfortable speaking to a machine. The first time I enabled my voice mail system, I had put my name, a courteous message asking the caller to leave a message. After a few days I realized what a folly I had committed. Every day I would check my voice mail to find messages like
“Hello ! Hello !... hello ?…..Tak Tak Tak…“It got cut!”
“hello …hello ! hello !! Can you come to Silk board at 9:30pm, hello? hello ?”
“hello….hello !..shya..She picks up the phone, says something and cuts the phone!”

My friend was fed up of hearing garble messages on his voice mail, more often being “Hello…someone is talking, someone is talking mom!”…apparently, my friend had left a short message with just his name, which the caller mistook as someone speaking at the other end.

Telemarketing has been a more recent phenomenon in India, but it’s nonetheless frustrating and irritating. Add to this, mobile phones make it even worse. Once my friend, out of an elevator, red with anger “They don’t even leave the lift phones, these Citibank guys !”….and on another instance, another friend who was running to the restroom, ran back to pick up his phone ringing, only to find out that a lady was interested in knowing whether he wanted to buy kashmiri carpets for 20% discount.

Once I decided to give these telemarketers back the taste of their own medicine.

A lady from Standard Chartered called up,
Lady:”Hello ma’am, I am calling from Stan chart, what is your name ?”
Me: “hi, my name is malleshwari..”
Lady: “would you be interested in a credit card ?”
Me : “Yes certainly, how much credit can you give me?”
Lady(excited) : “Ma’am, based on your salary we can give a credit of up 25K”
Me : “That’s cool, I would like a credit of 25K”
Lady : “What is your designation, ma’am ?”
Me : “I am currently working as trainee office girl.”
Lady ( slightly apprehensive): “What is your salary, ma’am ?”
Me: “2000 rs per month, including perks”
Lady(voice suddenly changing into a harsh tone): “Oh !! we do not currently have any scheme for that income”
Me: “May-dum, please give me a credit card, please”
Lady(slightly irritated):”I’ll give you a call once I confirm with my manager”
Me:”May-Dum, please maydum, at least give me your phone number, so that I can call and find out once you have decided. Please write down my contact info : Malleshwari, care of kalpeshwari,..blah blah” ..PHUTAAK….the phone line got cut, and so were the numerous calls I used to get from standard chartered….i guess my number was blacklisted soon after this call :D :D…

The Telephone never fails to astonish me, nor does the numerous possibilities it possesses, to irritate and frustrate people included. However, like someone put it so well for Monsoon’s in India, it is but a “Necessary Evil”.

Right now my cell rests safely in my locker, and so are my morbid fears of someone making another prank call.

-the girl.

moving on, to the mind games..

at last I can see..
life has been patiently waiting for me..
and I know there are no guarantees..
but, I'm not alone.
there comes a time in everyone's life,
when all you can see are the years passing by..
and I have made up my mind,
that those days are gone.

I sold what I could..
and packed what I couldn't..
stopped to fill up on my way out of town.
I've loved like I should..
but lived like I shouldn't..
I had to lose everything to find out.
Maybe forgiveness will find me,
somewhere down this road..

I'm Moving On
I'm Moving On
I'm Moving On..


ps: i wrote this poem after my 12th std. board exams,during the vacations. This is a live example of certain things which come to your mind even before you have experienced them and your mind,already reaches to a conclusion and i say that now,coz after two years i have started experiencing a bit of it.

-the girl.

an angel by the furnace

Neha. The most beautiful girl in the colony. Everywhere she went she was noticed, for those expressive eyes that widened at the sight of chocolates and ice creams, those chattering lips, that bouncy hair, and the ever dancing feet. She was a whiff of fresh air around, the sun shine on a somber winter. She was the world to her parents and her brother and her world revolved around a small place called home. Neha. 6 years old.
“Love you sweetie” Aarthi, Neha’s mother, said as she got home from school.

“Love you too mamma”, Neha said as she dropped her bag on the couch. She walked over to the table to her mom. She kept moving her hair that fell on her face time and again.

“Is the long hair bothering you honey?”

“No mamma. I love it. Preethi has like that”

“That is why I let you grow your hair” Aarthi said.

“I’m hungry mamma” she said and sat on the table.

“Here is your glass of milk and your favorite chocolate cake”

Neha was all chirpy as she relished her evening snack. She narrated all that had happened that day at school. Her mom sat near her wondering how so much could have happened in one day in her daughter’s life, that too when she was just in class 1.

“Mamma! Are you listening to me? Don’t you think Tinku was bad to me? I don’t like him”

“I am listening Neha. Tinku must be a nice kid. You guys should not fight with each other”

By then Neha had finished her snack and she was all set to change her dress.

“I want the red frock today” she ordered.

“Whatever you want mam” Aarthi changed her dress.

“It is time for play. I’m going out mamma. Can I play for extra 15 minutes today please?” she pleaded.

“No Neha. It would be dark. Get in soon and don’t go out of the colony compound”

“I promise not to go out mamma. Love you mamma”

“Love you honey”

Neha went out to play with her colony friends. The colony grounds were usually filled with kids of all ages with parents sitting on the stone benches watching their kids play. Aarthi occasionally accompanied Neha, otherwise Neha was just fine playing with the other kids without her mom’s supervision. Kids run helter-skelter, beat one another, play all sorts of games, scream, roll in the mud, jump into puddles, and everything that gives them the pleasure of being away from home and school.

Neha was always sure that she got to know the time from someone there. She would get back home before 6 because her dad and brother would be home after 6. She would love to see them come home. She would hug her dad and her brother and she would want to tell them every evening how much she loved them and how much she missed them the whole day. She did not know a world other then these three people.

She sat on her study table and began to read her book watching at the door every minute. After a while she heard the screeching noise of her brother Nitin’s bicycle. She jumped out of the table and ran to the door. Nitin stood there with his school bag and lunch kit waiting to hug his little sister. Neha ran to him and hugged.

“I love you bhayya” she said and hugged him. She did not care how dirty he looked after school, how unclean his shirt was. All she knew was her brother behind that dirty appearance.

“Come bhayya, mamma has chocolate cakes today”

She went back to her study table. She continued to read and kept looking at the door again.

“Papa is here” she jumped out of the table and ran to the door as she heard the car door slam. She jumped up to her dad Rahul.

“I missed you papa. Why are you so late?”

“Sorry Neha. I will try to keep up the time”. Rahul made it a point that he was home soon for his family. If ever he was late he would make sure he called home and informed and also talked to Neha a few words. This was a common code of conduct between Aarthi and Rahul.

At the diner table.

“Neha, how was school today?” her dad asked.

“Nice papa. Tinku pulled my hair today. Please tell him it pains”

“Sure honey, I will tell him not to hurt you” Rahul smiled.

“How come Neha tells everything that happens in class and Nitin never utters a word?” Aarthi asked.

“You expect me to give you an account of events? Mamma, I’m in class 6 and I think I can handle things myself” he said.

“But you are still a kid to us Nitin, so why not share your day with us. We would love to hear about it”

Nitin was silent.

“Nitin, we are not compelling you, but you sure would feel good to talk about it. So try. Now finish off everything on your plate. When it comes to food, I still would love to be a Hitler” Aarthi said and walked into the kitchen.

“Mamma” Nitin called out.

“Yeah?”

“Love you!” he said.

“Love you too my sweetie pie”

“Mamma” Neha called out.

“I love you too mamma” she wanted to confirm.

“Oh honey, I love you too”

That night, in the bed.

“Mamma, can I ask you something?” Nitin asked.

“Yeah” she said as she was putting Neha to sleep next to him.

“Today, in school, I thanked one of the teachers for clearing a doubt of mine. I also told her that I love her. Why didn’t she respond to that? Does she hate me?”

“No Nitin. It is no harm to tell people that we love them. Some people are still not open to such a statement from a kid. Your dad and I tell you kids that we love you quite often to let you know that you are the world to us. You respond to that. We hug you to give you the warmth of love. It is a way of showing a person how much they mean to you. You were thankful to your teacher and you told her so, but she didn’t take it well. Don’t worry about that”

“Ok mamma. Good night. Love you” Nitin said and pulled over the comfort.

Neha closed her eyes after she had overheard the conversation.

A simple family. A simple day. Simple events. A simple life. Day after day.

Next day.

“Mamma, I’m home!” Neha said as she dropped her bag on the table.

“Hi honey! Listen, I have to go to bhayya’s school for a meeting. You have your snacks and drink and go play. I will be back before 6. If I’m a bit late, you can stay at Rita aunty’s house. Is that ok with you?”

“Ok mamma” Neha said as she finished off her cake and drink.

In 15 minutes Neha was dressed up and ready to go to play. She walked out of the house and towards the ground. All of a sudden she ran back home and by then Aarthi had left. Neha was disappointed that she couldn’t tell her mom that she loved her. She was disappointed.

She joined the other kids in the block and forgot about her worry. She was playing on the swing looking at the other kids waiting for their turns. She loved to play on the swing. One of the boys who were waiting for his turn turned impatient and stopped the swing abruptly. Neha fell down on her knees. She couldn’t tolerate the pain and began to cry. One of the ladies around came running to her and helped her stand up. The kids stood around her looking at her bruised knees.

“Don’t cry Neha, it is just a bruise. You are fine” the lady comforted her.

“Mamma” Neha cried.

“What happened?” Prashanth asked. He was a college student who was playing basket ball close by.

“She fell off the swing. Do you have cotton and medicines in the games room?” the lady asked.

“Yes” he said and carried Neha to the games room. He washed off the blood, applied medicine and put some cotton on the bruises. By then Neha had calmed down and she missed her mamma a lot.

“That is it. Now you are ready to go back and play” Prashanth said.

“I want to go to mamma” she said with tears still brimming.

“Ok, come let me carry you home” he said and carried her to her house.

Aarthi had not come back.

“Now what do we do kiddo?” Prashanth asked as he let her down.Neha was all the more worried and she sat down at the closed door.

“Don’t worry Neha. Mamma will be here any moment. Till then come let us watch Pogo at my place” he said and lifted her.

“No” she said and sat down there with a stubborn face.

Prashanth sat next to her.“Ok, I will wait here too” he said.

She was silent. She was angry with her mamma for being late.

“I’m going home now. Going to watch Pogo and also eat chocolate ice cream” he said and stood up.

Neha looked up and slowly lifted her hands. He carried her to her house.

Aarthi and Nitin came home at 6.30 PM. Aarthi went to Rita’s house to pick up Neha. Rita’s house was locked. She ran to the ground which was almost empty. She asked the few kids who were around and they did not know anything. Aarthi panicked. She ran to the security guard who also had no information. She ran frantically back home to call Rahul and then she saw Neha walking into the house. She ran behind her.

Neha walked to the couch and sat there grumpily.

“Honey, where were you?” Aarthi asked and then noticed the cotton wrapped on her knees.

“Neha. What happened?” she asked and ran to her.

“Akash pushed me from the swing” she said. She didn’t sound fine.

“Awww. Who put the medicine?”

“Prashant bhayya”

“Does it pain a lot Neha?”

Neha nodded her head. She didn’t cry although she was brimming from inside.

Nitin sat next to her little sister and hugged her. Neha immediately took off his hand and walked to her study desk. She didn’t look up the door. She pretended to read.

“Neha, you want something to eat? Maybe chocolates?” Aarthi asked as she walked over to the refrigerator.

“No, I just had ice creams”

“Where? And where were you all this time?”

“At Prashanth bhayya’s house”

“Honey, are you alright?”Neha nodded her head.

“Come here, give mamma a hug. You will be fine. The pain will be gone tomorrow” Aarthi spread her arms.

Neha didn’t run to her. She didn’t move from her study table. Aarthi walked over to her and sat beside her small table.

“Sorry sweetie. Sorry for being late. Come to mamma” she said and pulled her out.

Neha wouldn’t budge. Just then Rahul walked in.

“Hello people” he said with his arms up in the air.

“You seem all excited today” Aarthi said.

“Yes. I’ve got the employee of the month award”

“Congratulations!” Aarthi said and got up from Neha’s study table.

“You got a prize papa?” Nitin asked.

“Yeah, something like that” Rahul said.

“Why is my little angel so silent today?” he said and lifted Neha from her desk.

He noticed legs.

“What happened?”Neha did not respond. Aarthi told her about it.

“She is angry with me and wouldn’t want to talk to me” Aarthi said.

“Sweetie, see mamma is crying. Talk to her” Rahul said.

Neha got off from her dad and walked to the couch. She put her head on the pillow and closed her eyes. Her silence that evening disturbed the family.

That night, in the bed.

“Neha, are you still angry with me?” Aarthi whispered.

Neha closed her eyes on hearing that question.

“I love you honey. Please talk to me” Aarthi said and kissed her.

Neha quickly wiped her cheek. She detested the kiss. She didn’t open her eyes. After a while, Aarthi walked away closing the door behind. Neha opened her eyes and saw Nitin sleeping next to her. She got off the bed and slept on the floor. She cried within. She trembled. She missed mamma and papa.

The next morning, Aarthi thought Neha had rolled off the bed. The entire day Aarthi was disturbed about Neha’s silence. She was waiting for her to get back from school.

“Neha honey! Love you! See what mamma made for you today” she said and looked at the table.

Neha walked into the living room, dropped her bag on the couch as usual. Unusually she climbed up the couch and slept on it. Aarthi walked over to her.

“Are you not feeling well?” she asked and touched her forehead.

Neha closed her eyes.“Neha, you must talk to me” Aarthi shook her and Neha did not budge. Aarthi sat next her and let Neha sleep. It was 6. Neha did not wake up to the screeching noise of Nitin’s bicycle. She also did not wake up to Rahul’s car. All the three sat around her looking at the beautiful girl sleep.

“Something must be eating her mind” Aarthi said.

“Should we take her to the doctor?” Rahul asked.

“I’m worried Rahul” Aarthi said and held his hand.

“Maybe she was worried after falling from the swing. We weren’t around. Maybe she is angry about that”

“Whatever it is, I want my baby to talk to me” Aarthi began to cry.Neha woke up and saw her family, her world around her.She immediately hugged Aarthi.

“Love you sweetie” Rahul said.

Neha looked at Rahul.

“I don’t love you” she said.

None of them expected that.

“Are you angry with me?” Rahul asked as she tried to take her from Aarthi.

“I love you too Neha. Come let us go play” Nitin said.

“I don’t love you bhayya” she said.

She got off from Rahul and sat down on her study table. She crossed her arms on the table and buried her face in it. Her family stood there looking at her fighting something within. They were helpless.

“I won’t go and play any more” Neha said her face still buried in her arms.

Aarthi got up to walk up to her while Rahul pulled her back and asked her to stay put so that Neha spoke some more.

“Ok Neha. You don’t have to go to the ground to play from tomorrow” Rahul affirmed.

“Tell Akash not to push me while I’m on the swing”

“Sure” Rahul was feeling better and a smile escaped from his face. Aarthi sat on the couch and her worries were draining.

“Tell Prashant bhayya not to do that again to me”

“What?” Aarthi asked.


“Prashant bhayya did bad things to me. He removed my dress while I was eating ice cream. He made me do bad things to him. I didn’t like it”

Hell froze. Rahul and Aarthi were beginning to feel uneasy. Neha looked up at her parents who were already frozen.

“Mamma. I told him I love him and I hugged him. You told me this is a way of being thankful. And he hugged me and told me he loved me too and did bad things to me. He kissed me all over. He hurt me. I don’t want to love anyone mamma. I don’t want to hug you” she said and got down the study table and walked to Aarthi.

Aarthi carried her and hugged her to her bosom. Rahul looked at Neha with tears brimming. Nitin was not sure what was happening. Aarthi felt a chillness running down her spine.

Neha, turned around as she put her face on her mother’s bosom and said, “Papa, tell Prashanth bhayya not to do it. It pains."

Rahul looked at her little adopted daughter helplessly.

A simple life was shattered beyond recovery. None of them slept that night except for Neha. She preferred to sleep on the floor.

---------------

Neha was formed in my mind after reading this. I wasn't at ease to end the story like that, but this is to all those Nehas who have gone through this. I suggest you read that post by Satheesh. Something has to be done... Something...

-the girl.